The REAL victims of SUICIDE


SUICIDE: Intentionally  causing ones own death.

The moment you hear about the suicide of a person it shakes you to the core, because humans are hard wired to protect themselves at all cost, we even have a hormone that helps us cope when we are threatened or in danger called testosterone. Our brains are wired to go into “fight or flight” response, but sometimes more often than none humans take the situation into their own hands, ignore all the signs and commits suicide.

450 men commit suicide a month in SA!!

That is 450 families a month that looses someone to suicide. These are the real victims of suicide! Mothers loosing sons, sisters loosing brothers, mothers loosing husbands and children loosing fathers. What happens when a mother and child gets left behind by the bread winner of the family? The ripple effect a suicide has is unmentionable.

I have had 2 experiences of suicide in my life, both completely  different with the complete opposite effect on me. It left me with the question, where is a situation like the one my family is going through right now addressed in our country. My problem is that  none of the policies that the deceased may have had will pay out because of it being suicide. In my frantic search for assistance/answers on my keyboard, I found mostly answers for people who survived after trying to commit suicide, but no real answers for the LEFT BEHIND, except the normal how to cope, how to deal, 5 stages of grief ect ect. That is not what a family in dire need is searching for, they need to know where the payment for the rent is going to come from, because mom is a housewife…They need to know how am I going to get to work, because mom never learned how to drive a car…They need to know where a mother and child can go if her immediate family or other relatives can not assist in housing her?

My heart is sad, not for the person that committed suicide, that was his choice, I am sad for those LEFT BEHIND, I am sad for my grandmother who lost a brother, my mother who lost an uncle and needs to deal with the fallout of my grandmothers emotions and stress over her relatives that are left destitute. No one prepares you for this kind of loss that rips a whole in your life in more ways than one.

I have to credit Deborah Serani Psy.D. for her well written and interesting article that you can find the link for below, but still no answers on what are they to do now that the bread winner of the house has left them behind.


in honor of a good man, that lost his way…may God’s Grace be enough when you enter His presence


Hitman, Titanfall & Call of Duty. What games are your kids playing?


I have a HUGE problem. A problem, it seems, only my family is experiencing.

My son is 7 (going on 17) and have been nagging us to play XBox games that he knows is not for his age. My husband is currently playing Hitman and no, not when the boys are awake. He plays it at the late hours of the night. (He is a grown man and can make his own decisions, I am not his mother)

My problem is that my son is insisting on playing the Hitman game as well, at first I thought it was because his dad is playing it, but he knows the rules in our house about age appropriate viewing and I was starting to get annoyed with his insistence. This morning on our way to school he dropped the bomb on WHY he has been asking. The other boys in school has been mocking him because he is not allowed playing adult games at home. They apparently play Hitman, Call of Duty and Titan Fall at their homes.

To give you an idea I follow the site and this is what they have to say about the above 3 games:

Call of Duty: Age is rated as 18+  (Superb but violent shooter is definitely for adults only.) Violence, Language, drinking, drugs and smoking is prevalent in this game. “Parents need to know that Call of Duty: Black Ops is a very violent military-themed first person shooter in which players use a wide variety of weapons and explosives to kill hundreds of enemies in the campaign and countless more human-controlled avatars online. It features violent interrogations, graphic melee combat, and lots of blood. The visceral nature of the action combined with its complex Cold War narrative leave little doubt that it was designed for an adult audience. It is not appropriate for children. Note, too, the online portion of the game supports open voice chat, a feature that Common Sense Media does not recommend for pre-teens.”  What is interesting is that parents rate it as age appropriate 12+ & kids rate it as age 12+ (I don’t know what to say to this, but I think they seem to think it is ok because YOU CAN TURN BLOOD, GORE, AND LANGUAGE OFF IN THIS GAME) 

Titanfall: Age is rated as 18+ (Manic, violent multiplayer combat game lives up to hype) Violence and language is prevalent in this game. “Titanfall is rated Mature for its intense violence, blood, and some gore. Players can shoot and kill other humans in a near-future war-like environment, using a number of weapons including Titans — giant robotic suits —  to destroy the enemy. It’s a multiplayer-only game, too, with no filters or moderators to curb profanity or other inappropriate words or phrases.”Parents rate it as age appropriate 12+ & kids rate it as age 11+

Hitman The complete first season: Age is rated as 18+ (Violent, tough, yet creative episodic stealth-action game.) “Parents need to know that Hitman: The Complete First Season is a stealth-action game that casts the player as a highly skilled assassin tasked with killing specific people by any means necessary. This can include taking out anyone who gets in your way or anyone you can use to reach your main target, though you can just subdue them if you chose. Besides using guns, explosives, poison, knives, explosives, and choke holds, players can also wear the clothes of people they’ve subdued, and so doing leaves those people in their underwear. There are also times when background characters talk about cocaine or are shown holding drinks, but they never consume either of them. Characters use such curse words as “bitch,” “f–k,” and “s–t” and sometimes make suggestive comments. The game has a complicated control scheme and high level of difficulty, so some gamers may be frustrated with the tricks and hazards of each mission.”

With all of the above taken into account and seeing words like “violence, language, drugs, smoking, kill, manic, blood, gore, cursing, suggestive comments, frustrated gamers, cocaine, “bitch”, “f–k”, and “s–t” how can I in my responsibility as a parent to my child allow him to be exposed to this. How can any parent allow it??

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This makes complete sense and has been proven over and over, my own husbands testimony is based on the fact that if he was not raised with the Word (bible) being, even if forced, onto him, he would never have known the truth that set him free. So if we as parents in the society think that it is ok for 11+ year old children to be subjected to the above then what future are we creating. As it is children are killing in schools, you may say (not in my school), but silent killing of the spirit is the worst of all.

My son gets ridiculed at school because he is not allowed to play these above games. He gets forced to ask us, his parents, over and over to allow him to play these games, because otherwise he gets shunned by his peers (7 year old kids remember). When will games no longer be the only thing I have to worry about, soon he will be told to drink with them, smoke with them, do drugs with them…

How do I protect my child in the serious things, when the parents of my child’s peers wont protect their children even in the small things?


“sorry, but is my light still working?”


There we are, sitting in Cape Towns morning traffic when suddenly an angfused (angered & confused) lady on a motorbike stops next to our open window and asks, “sorry, but is my back light still working?” Which indeed it was, it was a little less bright, but it was still working one could definitely see it and it was bright when she pulled on the break.

Morning traffic is mundane so when something like this happens you naturally have a discussion with your equally less awake husband. Our conclusion was that perhaps someone almost hit her with a car, did not see her break ect ect ect. Thinking of it from her perspective, I would have been furious and besides myself scolding and other choice words wondering what is wrong with civilization. How can they not see me wanting to break or changing lanes. In this case her light was working, what if it was not? What if, in fact her light was broken or fused? Could she blame someone for running her over or accidentally hitting her ect ect? No she can not, if your light is not working…well then how are people suppose to know you are there?

As I said, it made me think…if my light is not shining I can not blame Satan for “bumping” in to me time and time again. If my light is fading or fused I can not blame him for attempting to run me over can I? If life rides over me over and over and I cant understand why this is happening to me over and over again, maybe I too should stop next to an open window (because I promise you God always sends one (just don’t drive past it) and ask, “sorry, but is my light still working?”

Please check out this post I saw last week, regarding the light.



27 FEBRUARY 2017, 21:45
It’s the evening before I am having my IUD put in. Why am I emotionally in turmoil, I am a wreck. I’m knotted from the top down. Snappy, adgetated, scared, emotional and did I say scared. I have no idea what to expect.! I was given 2 tablets to push up my vagina tonight to soften my cervix for easy insertion.

Like any other bright mind of my generation I googled the name of the tablets and it is aka the abortion pill. I’m on day 2 of my period and day 22 of my diet… That in itself is case and point.

But most of all I am scared and emotional and ANGRY. Angry that I HAVE to do this, figure out a way not to become pregnant while still being able to make love to my husband. Angry because I can’t just be with him and have babies, as many as I want or until God decides He has given us enough, because what if God wants to give me 5 more. I can’t afford that, or do I think I can’t, is He not the provider, does He not know our tomorrows and what we can and can not handle?

I’m emotional, because this makes it so final for the next 5 years at least and by then I will be 40… Too old to have another. Is this really it?

And scared, because what if this is a sin, what is this any different then deciding to have an abortion or taking your own life, you are doing something to your body that puts a stop to the permanent measures of natural biology, of which God is the maker, to happen like it’s suppose to happen. I fear God may judge me for this? I am scared of these pills I had to insert inside of me, what if my body reacts adversely to it? I’m also scared of the unknown, I don’t know what to expect tomorrow, will it hurt?

Today I am sad that I am a woman… 😦



Ek beloer hom deur my kamer venster se hortjie blindings
die sekelmaan wat so hang bo die buurman se dak.

Dis maar net ‘n skadu wat aan hom daardie sekelvorm gee.
Die aardbol wat hom mooitjies tussen maan en son kom tuismaak vir ‘n wyle.

Nes die mens toegelaat het dat die wêreld se dinge hom slinks,
soos ‘n slang,
tuseen mens en die Lig kom tuismaak het.

Nou leef ons elk ook soms met ‘n skadu
wat maak dat ons ander vorms aanneem.

Tog as jy mooi kyk verdwyn daardie skadus en sien jy die Seun weerkaats op die maangesig van ‘n mensekind.

What is it about The Tree


So the tree is up and the boys are in awe. I have said it before and I will say it again,  there are many who frown upon the tradition of the tree for true children of God that believe in Christ  Jesus, but there is so much about the tree that reminds me of our Savior. 

 When the tree is empty and naked without any trimmings and some of the branches are bent and knotted and the old pines are lying on the floor for all to see it reminds me of how I sometimes have to come to Him again stripped down with my bent and bruised self and my sin exposed.  He then gently bends me again, picks up my fallen pines and doesn’t put them back on me but confiscates it as far as the east is from the west.  Sometimes it hurts to be straightened out again,  but I know He is there all the way. 

When the tree is all straightened out it is ready for its trimmings just like you and I when we are straightened out and then need to ready ourselves for our Bridegroom to come,  and what do brides do for their bridegroom? They make themselves beautiful and just like that our humble little tree is ready to stand out and be a symbol for the nations. Yes we don’t hang stuff on ourselves ect,  but we put on the Armour of God,  we wise up in the Word wich is a lamp unto our feet just as our little lights on the tree make a ray of light in the dark. 

At the top of our tree is a star and when we asked our boys why we have a star they said, 

Because the wise men followed the star to Jesus

That is true we said to them,  but that was true for that time,  what makes it true for now is that that same Jesus is now our bright Morning Star and we can look to Him and follow Him Home to the Kingdom of God.  

And why can we inherit the Kingdom,  because Jesus gave his life for us on a cross that was made from a tree.  

So what is it you see in your tree? 

The living dead


Godly relationships and friendships are one of the best gifts in life…cherish them.

Losing someone to death is painful, more than one can ever imagine, but there is a kind of finality to it at least. You know that person can not come back, you know that you will not ever see them again until we all meet in the Kingdom and you can continue with life (this is generally speaking).

Then there are those people you loose in life, they become dead to you either by choice from their side or by choice from your side, by misunderstanding, miscommunication, lack of nurturing the relationship, by hurt, by disappointment, by external inputs that have irrevocable effects. What makes it sad is that person is still there living and breathing, soaking up the same sun as you are. Sometimes you share a house with that person, you share a life with that person, it may be your father whom you don’t see a lot because it is just the way life has dealt your cards or a sister that is years younger than you and live in a different time than you, sometimes you work with that person whom you spend almost 8 hours a day with. Sometimes it is someone who moved to the other side of the world as so many family and friends do these days.

How do you cope with the loss of a living person, how do you regain and mend the relationship you had before, how do you carry on with life when a person whom you have invested in, cared for, a person who owns a piece of your lifes living weather it be from birth or just a few years or months. When you form a relationship with someone you form a soul tie. “Soul ties are formed when 2 or more persons become bonded together in the realm of the soul– the mind, the will (ability to make choices) and the emotions. It is the knitting together of two souls. When this occurs in a Godly relationship, blessings result. When this occurs between persons with wrong motives or with wrong people, confusion and destruction result” So when a soul tie unravels it hurts just as bad as when you loose a person to death.

I have always heard at funerals that people say, time heals.Time does not heal the death of a relationship only communication does. How you do it is up to you…just do it and if you are the receiver, be open to hear, make time and give grace like you receive grace, every day.