‘n Hartseer put van wonderwerke

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Die woord hartseer is so beskrywend, dit vra nie vra nie, dit sê presies wat dit is, sonder dat jy daaroor hoef te tob. Dit is ‘n seer hart. Metafories gesproke as ‘n reël, maar enige persoon wat al ooit regte hart_seer ervaar het, sal weet dat jou fisiese hart pyn, want jou hele wese trek saam, op ‘n knop jou bloeddruk styg of val en alhoewel ek geen Dr is nie, weet ek voor my liewe siel dat dit ‘n uitwerking op die harspier het.

So moet die verlies van ‘n kind wees, hart seer, nee hart verskeurend, harts verlies, is daar ‘n woord soos hart dodend. Ek dink aan sieldodend.

18 Junie is vir my ‘n bittersoet dag en sal vir altyd bly, ek het al voorheen op hierdie platform daaroor gepraat, maar moet net sê toe ek op 18 Junie 2012 my miskraam ervaar was die vrae baie en die antwoorde min. ‘n Diep hartseer het my ontvou tot so ‘n mate dat ek nie kon funksioneer nie. Ek het God geteister met vrae en irrasioneel geblameer vir alles. Sy enigste antwoord, ek hou altyd My beloftes.

18 Junie ‘n bittersoet dag, want op 18 Junie 2013, presies ‘n jaar na my miskraam gee ek geboorte aan die mooiste seuntjie, wie kan sê daar is nie ‘n God wat beloftes nakom nie.

Gister was ook 18 Junie, 6 jaar oud is my klein wonderwerk, maar my HARTSEER is diep, want my vriendin hou op hierdie dag begrafnis vir haar wonderwerkie wat op 3 jaar oud te vroeg van hul familie geneem is. Daar is geen woorde waarmee ek haar kan ondersteun nie, geen drukkie wat dit gaan beter maak nie. Ek kan nie my hand binne haar plaas en haar seer hart omvou en streel nie, inteendeel, dit mag dalk net meer skade doen.

Hartseer bring baie trane en waar water is, is lewe. Ek weet daar is lewe na hartseer, dit is verseker nie dieselfde lewe nie, daardie lewe is onherroeplik verander, maar lewe is daar tog en soms, net soms lê daar wonderwerke in die diep put van jou hartseer.

Ek bid vir my vriendin en haar familie ‘n mooi wonderwerk uit hul hartseer.

Lady Gaga…your thoughts?

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So I suppose I dont have to write something profound everyday to write something.

Who else found their opinion of lady Gaga slightly altered after watching her documentary Five foot Two?

Then I watched one of two amazing musical dramas this year, A Star is Born and now I kinda love her??

Have you watched the movie, what is your opinion?

Oor Huiswerk en ‘n Kindermolesteerder

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Skool huiswerk, ek dink ons as ouers minag huiswerk amper meer as wat die kinders doen, maar soms het dit tog ‘n manier om daardie nodige gesinspraatjies na die lig te bring.

Julle wat my Blog gereeld lees (ja ek weet ek post nie gereeld genoeg nie), sal onthou verlede jaar, of die jaar voor dit, die jare gaan tog so vinnig verby ek kan nie meer byhou nie, het ek geskryf oor Seks op 7 ( https://chantellevanderberg.wordpress.com/?p=615), wel hierdie is nou nie juis ‘n opvolg nie, want dit sou dan beteken ek moes in meer detail oor seks gaan, maar dis ‘n “on the off” topic. Anyway ek gaan nou off topic, so het hierdie episode van “Have kids they said, it will be fun they said”verloop:

Die manne (hoofman en twee seuns) tel my gewoonlik by die werk op en dan word daar gevra oor hoe die dag verloop het en dies meer. Soms is verkeer nie soveel van ‘n probleem nie, want soms staan mens so lank dat mens tot huiswerk in die verkeer kan afhandel. Bonus! Hoofman vertel toe vir my dat daar ‘n woord in die Afrikaanse lees is wat my oudste vir my moet lees en wat ek dan maar na keuse kan verduidelik. Ek is te gewillig om te luister en het nie twee keer gedink oor watter woord dit kan wees nie, in fact ek het gedink dat dit moontlik iets met puberteit te doen het. TOE NIE.

Boeta lees toe baie mooi uit sy sigwoorde flipfile die woord KINDERMOLESTEERDER.

Nou ja, daar het jy dit. Ek vra toe maar vir hom wat dink hy is ‘n kindermolesteerder. Hy antwoord: “Iemand wat kinders seermaak?”, ek sê toe ja, maar hoe maak die persoon dan kinders seer? Weerees antwoord hy maar gedwee my vraag, “Uhm seker maar soos die maaitjie in die kompleks waar ons bly se pa die kinders seermaak, trek hulle aan die ore of stamp hulle rond” (Nou mense dis ‘n storie vir ‘n ander geleentheid) Nee, sê ek toe vir hom, wat jy daar noem is mishandeling. Kindermolestering is wanneer ‘n persoon (oom, tannie, kind ouer as jy, juffrou, Mnr, oupa, ouma, pa, ma, vriende van die familie) aan jou raak MET of SONDER jou toestemming op jou penis of in ‘n meisie se geval op haar vagina of eintlik enige plek op JOU liggaam waar dit vir jou ongemaklik is, want hulle hande hoort nie daar nie. Ek verduidelik toe my stelling van MET of SONDER jou toestemming, want ‘n kind van jong ouderdom het geen benul nie en mag moontlik toestem, omdat hulle onder druk is, gedryg word of net te bang is om nee te sê. Natuurlik ook bygesê dat die beste is om so gou as moontlik jouself van die persoon af weg te kry of baie hard te skree (Stranger danger of NEEE!) en dan hulp te soek en jou ouers te vertel. Ek het KLEM gelê op die feit dat hy ALTYD na ons toe kan kom in so geval en hy nooit in die moeilikheid sal beland nie al sê die persoon dat dit sy skuld is en hy dit veroorsaak het en hy moeilikheid gaan kry.

Hy het nie te veel gehad om terug te sê in die verband nie, maar hopenlik het hy verstaan.

Ek weet ons het nie altyd lus vir huiswerk nie, maar soms is daar tog oomblike gedurende huiswerk wat mens kan gebruik om ‘n punt aan te raak wat jou kind se lewe dalk kan red van GROOT hartseer eendag.

Vertel my bietjie van die gesprekke wat jy al met jou kind moes hê, ek sal nogal kan doen met ‘n paar tips oor die PUBERTY TOPIC, want dit is volgende op die lysie.

Meteorite Moments

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HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my readers and I honestly hope it has been a good one thus far, mine started off with a bang of colour on the beach with fireworks and has not stopped with the surprises thus far.

Let’s face it if you are the average Joe then life is just that, life. Let me guess, like me, your buzz’s, jingles, songs or vibrations wake you from the 4th stage of your sleep cycle or whatever state you’re in. You either snooze a few minutes or get up, pirate eyeing the phone in your hand to assess the time. Certain routines are to be adhered to in the morning Ie pee, shower, make coffee, make 2 white bowls of cereal and wake 2 little men from sleep cycle to eat said cereal. Mine do this in their sleep. I’m sure they think they are dreaming. A different kind of milky way. Me, I then take my coffee and scorch the keratin out of my hair, while nudging husband to get up. (ooh side note and light bulb, next time nudge husband with flat iron, should have the desired effect, silent chuckles) Usually that goes with the natural humanoid male sounds that comes with waking in the morning and usually with a looped recording of “just 2 more minutes”. I then have the pleasure of waking the halflings. Yes they went back to bed after meandering through the milky way. Time to get dressed. The one small person can do so by himself, the other one, not so much. So I am usually half-dressed while trying to get a shirt over a sleepy head, while tween is scooping enough wax out of the pot and onto his hair to create a wax statue of Elvis Presley. Semi-tired, caffeinated mom, dressed in underwear. Now, sandwiches, I suppose I could do this at night, Me every morning: Why don’t you do this at night! Also me: Because I want adult time at night, that’s why! 1xTomato Sauce and butter sandwich, note: cut in 4 triangles, and one sandwich of whatever else there is to find or tomato sauce as well. No cutting required. Adult male human has finally graced the shower with his presence and got dressed in under 10 minutes, while I have been up for the past 2 hours and still in my underwear. I finally manage to decorate myself with clothing. Endless drive to office (drop kids at school) while looking out of the window at the same people you drive alongside every morning. Some doing make up in the car, like me, others reading, others on their mobiles, others singing to the radio and others just blankly staring into oblivion, their vehicles taking them on a muscle memory drive toward the building where they slave away for their meagre income. (and some not so meagre) Coffee, work, coffee, lunch, coffee, same drive home (pick up kids from school), rather annoying drive home after collecting the 2 x result of a good night of lovemaking. Get home, cook, read letters from school and finally lay down on my pillow (after hours of playing the stupid colour by numbers game on my phone or watching Netflix, oh my gosh, that immediate transition between episodes is what kills me, so now I sit with my finger on the exit button as the episode comes to an end) and follow the cycles of sleep.

That is a day, there are 365 of them in a year…yawn.

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You can feast your eyes on what has been Created for you. Look out for the meteor/meteorite moments, because you may just miss them if you are not actively searching for them. On 16 January some of the inhabitants of the surrounding towns of the Overberg and Cape Town saw a light flash through the sky and a sound described as something similar to an exploding gas bottle filled the night and many a mention was made about windows shaking from something that felt like an impact. All of this between 20:10 – 20:30. By this time my kids are usually in bed and on the 2nd or 3rd round of “one more hug mom, I’m still thirsty mom, can I come lie by you etc etc” while hubby and I are trying to get at least one episode of The Voice in before we retire for bed.

We know that meteor showers happen and that they frequent our skies, but it is very rarely that one hits the ground. So when it does it is news and it is interesting. Something from outer space has landed on our, small little planet in our small little galaxy.

Sometimes we see our monotonous lives as small and tedious and “everyday”. We become irked and try and fill our lives with the pleasures of the flesh, because what else can make it more exciting than that which you can touch and feel and see and taste, but when last have you expected or asked for a meteor moment, in fact when last have you asked or expected in hopeful belief for a meteorite moment. (yes there is a difference) A moment in which you don’t just see a long awaited dream cross the night sky like a shooting star, a moment that you prayed for not just entering your atmosphere and setting your life alight, but a meteorite moment, a moment of impact. A moment that you can say have shaken your world. Not all of these moments are, at the time, what you expected, some may be sad, it could hurt or change your life in ways you did not expect and other times it may be surreal and happy and a long awaited dream come true.

What I’m trying to say is don’t be so fixed on your everyday, monotonous life that you miss the meteorite moments, that you miss a moment where you could be holding part of a star, part of something OUT OF THIS WORLD.

Here’s to a beautiful, star filled year.

Woorde

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Die rede vir my moeilikheid, ek moet leer om 10 minute gelede al my mond te hou of my vingers op die alfabet stil te maak, maar hoe gemaak as jou hart in woorde praat, jou hartklop is ‘n gedig, ‘n resetasie, ‘n storie, ‘n liriek, ‘n nota, ‘n emoji, hoe gemaak as jou hart kan skilder, illustrasies kan teken en hoe gemaak as jou hart dit kombineer en fantasië optower. Sommiges beeldskoon, ander ‘n nagmerrie, sommige uit die dieptes van my geloof en ander wat my moeder sal laat bloos.

Woorde kan mense afbreek                  Woorde kan mense opbou      Woorde kan jou hartstog oordra Woorde kan hartstog blus                    Woorde kan van ‘n man ‘n meisie maak en woorde kan van ‘n meisie ‘n harde klip maak,

maar

woorde kan sag maak, woorde kan heel maak, woorde kan trane bring en ‘n glimlag, woorde kan hoop bring en in liefde gesê, kan woorde red.

So, al bring dit my soms moeilikheid, ek sal nooit ophou my woorde gebruik nie, ek sal nooit spyt wees oor ek my hart oordrae nie al is ek soms jammer ek het dit kwytgeraak, spyt sal ek nooit wees nie.

Living with regret is for people who can not accept the things they could have changed. One day I want to look back knowing even if I couldn’t change ANYTHING and even if I could have changed EVERYTHING , I tried. I tried being there, I tried giving my heart in words, I tried saving even though it wasnt my job, I tried healing, I tried bringing a smile.

Ek is ongelukkig geen Jesus nie, (Eminem says in his one song, I walk on water, but I aint no Jesus), amper soos loop op dun ys. Ek is geen engel nie en ja, baie keer breek ek af, gooi ek klippe met woorde en los duike in die mense vir wie ek lief is en daarvoor is ek jammer, maar my woorde kan nie opdroog nie, want dan sal my hart se ritme buite beheer raak en my spreekwoordelike beroerte sal onomwendbaar wees.

Myne is woorde, passie, musiek en liefde, wat is die ding wat jou hart sy ritme laat behou, iets wat mense dalk nie van jou weet nie? Moenie deur die lewe gaan soos een wat n beroerte ervaar het nie, throw yourself into your passion.

Hoekom val bome om?

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Hulle word oud en swak, nee ek dink actually nie so nie. Ek dink bome val as gevolg van eksterne faktore.

Hulle word van binne af opgevreet deur insekte. Dit vreet elke grein van die boom op tot dit so hol is binne dat die kleinste briesie die krag het om ‘n bosreus tot ‘n val te bring of soos die een hier voor my, te knak. Wanneer daardie bas eers geknak is sal die boom, of, nooit weer groei nie, of al aan skeef groei.

Soms word die boom geslaan deur ‘n bliksemstraal en die letsels wat ingebrand word is diep en sigbaar, ander kere slaan daai einste bliksemstraal die boom aan die brand en die vlamme lek en vreet hom tot daar net stukke grys bas en as oorbly wat roet die wêreld vol waai.

Soms kom mense met hul gereedskap en kap daai boom hou vir hou af.                                Eerste hou – laat ‘n merk                                                                                                                      Tweede hou – laat ‘n keep                                                                                                           Derde hou – laat die boom “bloei”                                                                                                   ‘n Paar  houe later is daai boom neergetrek, plat, met die hulp van ‘n mensehand.

Nooit weer sal hy die sagte vluistering van die wind deur sy blare voel nie. Nooit weer sal sy mikke ‘n tuiste wees of ‘n plek van skuiling nie.

Nooit weer sal hy my kan verskaf van die suurstof wat integraal is vir my daaglikse bestaan nie,

want hy is omgevalle, van binne af verniel en verslaan.

Dis herfs en my boom se blare val.

Hopenlik maak hy dit deur die winter.

Come Alive

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Why do we watch movies, because it is not real, but it transports us to a different time, place sometimes even universe. It makes us the characters we wish we could be in real life, it extends to us the opportunity to fullfill the universal need to experience life in all its colors.

I watched The Greatest Showman on Sunday and was transformed by the magic of theatre, the magic of music and the magic of hopes and dreams and remembered how I dreamed of theatre when I was young. When you are grasping at your chest to keep yourself from breathing so you can take it all in without the sound of your breath obstructing the sound of the music, cry silent tears not of happiness or sadness, but from pure ecstacy and the fantasticness of the moment then you know you are a passionate being.

“Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make

I remember imagining myself as an actress and singer on stage and was actually pursuing that for a long while when I was a young girl, untill reality brought me back to life and I realised that life is not always made up of “million dreams” it is made up of black and white and so much grey. When reality hits you like a thunderbolt in that way and your life reveals to you that a million dreams is just that, dreams, then one has a tendency to settle, you settle for that first job you find, you settle for that first guy that offers you a “good” life, you even believe in the “truth” your body tells you about love, then DECADES later you have an awakening.

Sometimes your awakening comes with a tornado, sometimes it is subtle and slow, but you wake up and you’ve Come Alive. You’ve come alive with the knowing that you and only you can determine the color of your life, yes there will be black and yes there will be white, but you dont HAVE to live with grey.

So choose today, choose who the people are you surround yourself with that bring color and joy to your existence. Choose to adore them, choose to place them into the building blocks of your life from today onward and get rid of the grey areas.

Life is too short to pretend, life is too short to be mucking about in a zombie apocolypse that lasts for heaven knows how long.

Come Alive, Rewrite the stars if you have to and tell everyone This is me.

-hierdie een is vir Poplap- nie almal verstaan Right Brain orientated people nie, just remember to understand yourself little girl and may everyday be an awakening.